Just Joking
by RonFan
Summary: COMPLETE! While being accidentally locked in a closet, Draco and Hermione find themselves completely bored and with nothing to do. So to pass the time, they tell jokes back and forth. Beware of long jokes and weird ones too!
1. Know Any Jokes?

Just Joking 

Hi everyone!  Here's my next fic.  I love to tell jokes, good or bad.  So I thought about combining my two favorite things: DM/HG fics and jokes.  Here are my finest. (Or worse depending on whom you are…)  Hope you like it!

Disclaimer- I don't on Harry Potter or any of the jokes.  Please don't sue!

Chapter Know Any Jokes?

          "Damn, damn, damn!  Why did you have to make us late, Malfoy?  Snape's going to kill us!"

          Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy were running down the halls of Hogwarts trying desperately to get their Potions on time.  Being Head Boy and Girl, their duties sometimes took them places far from their classroom.

          "Lighten up, Granger.  I know a short cut that we can use." Shot Draco back to Hermione as they ran down a flight of steps.  Draco turned left instead of right.

          "Where are you going?  Potions is that way!" Yelled Hermione pointing towards the right.  Draco shook his head.

          "No, there's a much faster way to get there if we go this way." He yelled back running off.  Hermione groaned and followed him, hoping that it really was short cut.  They ran through twisting and turning corridors.  Finally, Draco stopped and approached a door.  To Hermione, it looked like an ordinary door, but Draco smirked at it.  "Okay this is it.  Get in and we'll make it." He said opening the door.  Hermione studied it for a minute.

          "Is it safe?" she asked cautiously.

          "Granger, if I wanted to kill you, then I would think up a more creative way." Said Draco sarcastically.  Hermione gave him a worried look, but for the sake of her perfect record, she got in.  It was dark and it seemed as though nothing was there.  Draco walked in and shut the door.

          "Okay, now just think of Potions and we'll get there." He said.  He couldn't see it, but Hermione looked at him as though he were crazy.

          "What've you been smoking, Malfoy?" she asked.  Draco scowled and continued to think.  Minutes passed by.  Hermione tried to look around, but it was pointless in the dark.  Finally, she gave up.  This is stupid.  I'm leaving." She stated as she tried to open the door.  It was locked.  She tried again, but the door wouldn't budge.

          "What's wrong?  Can't you even open a door?" sneered Draco.  Hermione turned to him in the dark.

          "You try then." She said moving to the side for him to try.  Draco tried and tried again to open the door, but it was no use.

          "See, I told you." She said sitting on the ground.

          "Now what?" he asked sitting across from her.  She sighed.

          "I dunno.  I guess we'll just have to wait." She said quietly.

          "Fine, just don't talk to me." He sneered again.  Hermione rolled her eyes in the dark and settled back.  She closed her eyes and tried to relax and take her mind off of Malfoy.  This worked for about an hour.  Suddenly, Draco poked Hermione in the side.

          "Granger… Granger… wake up." He muttered.  Hermione's eyes opened wide only to see more darkness.  She groaned in her uncomfortable position.

          "What now?  Can't you get out, oh so smart one?" she asked.

          "No.  I tried everything.  Even yelling.  You are one hell of a sleeper because you didn't even stir." He said.

          "So why wake me up?  I was sleeping so happily until now." 

          "Because I'm bored." He stated.  Hermione snorted.

          "And this concerns me how?"

          "You're my only source of entertainment, and I'm completely bored.  Don't you know any form of entertainment?  Even in muggle ways?" he asked.  Hermione laughed.  He was practically begging her.  She decided to give in since he wouldn't stop bugging her.

          "Okay… umm… do you know any jokes?" she asked skeptically.

          "I dunno… say one, and maybe I do." He shot back at her.  Hermione sighed and thought of a joke.  One suddenly came to her.  She giggled a little and began her joke.

          "All right, two men were driving in a car when it suddenly broke down.  They got out and began to walk a few miles until they came to a farm.  They knocked on the front door, and a farmer answered.

          'Please sir.  Can we please stay the night?  Our car broke down a few miles back, and we need a place to stay.' Said the first guy.  

          The farmer answered, 'Of course you can.  But what ever you do, don't eat the red apples in there.' He warned.  The two guys agreed and went to the barn.  During the night, they got really hungry and ate all the apples.

          In the morning, the farmer found them and was very mad.  He decided to punish them.

          'Go out into the field, and pick your favorite fruit or vegetable.' He ordered the first guy. He went out and began to pick grapes.  He picked a handful then went back to the farmer.  'See how many you can shove up your nose, then go stand over there.'  So the guy shoved some grapes up his nose and stood under a tree.

          The second guy went to farmer.  'Go out into field, and pick you're favorite fruit or vegetable.'  The second guy went out and picked some peas and returned to the farmer.  'See how many you can shove up your nose, then go stand over there.'

          Now the two guys were standing under the tree with peas and grapes up their noses, watching the rest of the people in the field.  

          Then the second guy said, 'Boy, I'm glad I'm not that guy over there picking watermelon.'"

          Hermione finished her joke.  Draco snorted and laughed a little.

          "Know any more, Granger?"

A/N: okay, I know these jokes may sound corny and stupid, but hey, they can't be all bad, now can they?  Thanks for reading and please review!

Me,

RonFan


	2. Blonde Jokes

Just Joking 

Hi all!  So sorry for not updating sooner.  I tried, but it was hard.  Please forgive!  Okay, so this chapter is entirely devoted to blondes.  (Like myself…)  Hope you like it!

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter or any of the jokes.

Chapter 2 Blonde Jokes

          "Have you ever heard a blonde joke?" asked Hermione after telling The Farmer Joke.  

          "Yeah, but I never understood why we blondes are picked on for them.  I thought it was just some stupid muggle thing." Said Draco shaking his head in the darkness.  "Tell me one." He demanded.  So Hermione started her joke.

          "A blonde walked into a hairstylist to get her hair done.  She was wearing a pair of headphones attached to a cd player as she sat in the chair.  The stylist came up to her, but couldn't cut around the headphones.

          'Miss, I can't cut your hair with the headphones on.  Will you please take them off?' she asked politely.  

          The blonde answered, 'I can't.'  She got up and left.  The next day, she came back with the headphones still on.  She sat in the chair and the same stylist came over to her.

          'I still can't cut your hair with the headphones.  If you would, please take them off.' She said.  

          'I can't. I'm sorry.' Said the blonde as she got up and left.  She came back on the third day still with the headphones.  She sat back down in the chair and the hairstylist came back again.

          'If you really want me to cut your hair, you will have to take off the headphones.' Pressured the hairstylist.  Finally, the blonde gave in and removed the headphones.  After five minutes, she fell down dead.  The hairstylist screamed and called the cops.  When they arrived, they took pictures and talked to the hairstylist.  When one of the detectives picked up the headphones to see what the blonde was listening to, he heard, 'Breath in… breath out… breath in… breath out…'"

          Hermione stopped.  Draco snickered again and laughed.  

          "Not bad, Granger.  At least you have a sense of humor." Said Draco when he finished laughing.  Hermione rolled her eyes in the dark.

          "Do you know any?" she asked him.  

          "Yeah, I know a few…  Okay, redhead, a brunet, and a blonde were flying in an airplane.  The redhead was eating a lemon.

          'Oh, to sour!' she said, and she threw it out the window.  The brunet was eating an apple.

          'Oh, too crunchy!' she said as she threw the apple out of the window.  The blonde threw a stick of dynamite out of the window for no reason.  When they landed, they got out and walked around.  They came to a house with a boy sitting on the porch crying.  They asked him what was wrong.

          'A lemon dropped from the sky and hit my dog on the head, and killed him.' Sobbed the boy.  They exchanged nervous glances and hurried away.  At the next house, there was a girl sitting on the porch crying.  

When they asked her what was wrong, she answered, 'An apple dropped from the sky and killed my cat by hitting it on the head.'  Once again, they hurried off.  At the next house, there was a boy laughing hysterically on his porch.  They asked him what was so funny.

'I farted and the building behind me blew up!' he answered.

Hermione laughed loudly.

"How do you know these things?  You're a pureblood." She questioned.

"You learn a lot here that teachers could never teach you." He answered.  "Okay, you next." He urged.  Hermione thought, and then began her joke.

"A blonde was driving down the road and kept swerving back and forth.  Finally, a cop pulled her over.

'Why do you keep swerving?  You could kill someone.' He said in a concerned voice.

'Well, I keep seeing a tree in the middle of the road so I'm swerving to keep from hitting them.' She answered.  The cop looked into her car and through the windshield.  He saw her problem.

'Um, that's your air-freshener.'"

Although Hermione couldn't see him, Draco gave her a blank look.

"I don't get it." He said dumbly.  

"Muggles have air-freshener for cars that hang from their mirror and look like trees.  It was in the middle, so she kept swerving to miss it." She explained.

"Oh." Said Draco shortly.  Hermione could tell that he still didn't understand, but she didn't go farther.  "My turn." Said Draco.

"There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunet.  They were running from the cops when they came to a bar.  They got in, but the cops were right outside.  So they hid in potato sacks that were lying around.  The cops came in and began to search.  They came to the bag with the redhead inside.

  They shook it to see if anything was in it.

          'Bark, bark.' Said the redhead sounding like a dog.  The cops thought it really was a dog and moved on.  Next came to the brunet's bag.  They shook it.

          'Meow, meow.' She purred like a cat.  They agreed that it was a cat, and they moved on to the blonde's bag.  They shook it, and the blonde said, 'Potato, potato.'"

          It was a while before they stopped laughing.  When their laughter had subsided, Hermione started hers.

          "There was a Mexican, and English, and a blonde who were all working on a building.  At lunch, the Mexican opened his lunch to see a taco.

          'Taco?!  If I get one more taco, I'll jump off of this building.' He swore.  The English guy opened his lunch and saw crumpets.

          'Not again!  If I get any more crumpets, then I'll jump off of this building.' He said.  The blonde opened her lunch and found a bologna sandwich.

          'If I get one of these tomorrow, then I'll jump off of this building too!' she declared.  The next day, the each got the same thing as the day before, and jumped off the building and died.  

At their funerals, the Mexican's wife said, "He should've just told me that he didn't want tacos any more.' She sobbed.  

The Englishman's wife said, ' I didn't know he was so sick or crumpets!'

The blonde's husband said, 'She paced her own lunch.  She should've packed something different.'"

Another crack of laughter rang throughout the small closet.  Hermione and Draco were laughing hard.  It was hard to stop.  After many fits of laughing, they calmed down and Draco started his joke.

"A blonde and a redhead were watching the news.  The redhead bet the blonde fifty galleons that the man on the news would jump off of the building.  The blonde accepted.  In the end, the guy jumped off the building and died.  The redhead felt guilty for betting on such a thing.

'I'm calling off the bet.  It seems wrong if I don't.' she told the blonde.

'No, no, you won fair and square.' Insisted the blonde.

'No you see, I cheated.  I saw the three o' clock news on before so I knew he would jump.' Said the redhead.

'I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again.'"

Hermione couldn't believe how much fun she was having.  It was insane that she got locked in a closet with no way out.  Both had stupidly forgotten their wands and had no way of getting out yet.  Draco could actually be a decent person when he wanted to.

"Hey, what do you call a blonde with a half of a brain?" he asked.

"I dunno." She answerd.

"A genius." He said back.  They erupted with another fit of laughter.

"How do you kill a blonde?" she asked him when she was able to talk again.

"I dunno.  How?"

"Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool." She said.  It was as though they had been friends forever.  It was funny how these jokes were bringing them closer together…

A/N: Okay, I took the best jokes I could find, and put them here.  I'm not going to make this where Hermione and Draco just fall in love automatically.  It's not that easy in real life any way.  I hope you liked the jokes, and special thanks to natslacks for sending me some of the jokes.  Please review and thanks for reading!

Me,

RonFan


	3. Classic Jokes

Just Joking 

OMG!!!!!!  I'm going to cry!  I haven't updated this story in so long and it makes me sad.  Please don't hate me.  After this, I will update much more!  Promise.  An awesome shout out to the review that I got that made me want to continue, Sacagawea.  I appreciate your review and I'm grateful that you helped me feel less lazy and actually update!

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter or any of the jokes.

Chapter 3 Classic Jokes

          "Where did you hear all of these jokes anyway?" asked Draco after sitting in silence for a few moments. 

          "I heard them mostly from other people.  Jokes travel fast, don't they?" said Hermione.  Draco nodded in agreement even though she couldn't see.

          "Alright, I've got one.  Why did the chicken cross the road?" he asked.  Hermione laughed.

          "You just now heard that one?  I've heard that joke about a million times before now.  To get to the other side." She said.

          "That's not the only answer you know.  There's also to prove that he wasn't chicken and to get to KFC, whatever that is." Explained Draco.

          "KFC is a muggle restaurant famous for its chicken." Said Hermione.  "How about this one.  Knock, knock."  Draco gave her a funny look even if she couldn't see it.  "Just answer, 'Who's there?'  Got it?" 

          "Okay.  Who's there?"

          "Boo."

          "Boo who?"

          "Don't cry.  It's only me."

          "What kind of a stupid joke is that?  Those blonde ones were better." Said Draco.

          "It's a classic joke that almost everyone knows.  Well, now you know, so that makes it everyone." Said Hermione.

          "Okay, well then I have the perfect joke for you, Miss Granger." Said Draco.  Hermione could tell he was smirking.  "A Chinese man needs to cross a bridge.  When he gets to it, a toll guard stops him.

          'To pass, you need to answer my question.  How many L's are in Here Comes The Bride?' asked the toll guard.  The man thought and finally replied.

          'Zero.  Zero L's are in Here Comes The Bride.' Said the man. 

          'That's right.  You may pass." Answered the toll guard.  The man crossed the bridge and left.

          The next day, an English man came to the bridge to cross it.  The toll guard came and stopped him.

          'To pass, you have to answer my question.  How many L's are in Here Comes the Bride?' asked the toll guard.  The English man though for a minute and answered.

          'Zero.  Zero L's are in Here Comes the Bride.'

          'That's right.  You may pass.'

          Then an American comes to the bridge and he wants to cross.  The toll guard stops him at the beginning of the bridge.

          'To pass this bridge, you have to answer my question.  How many L's are in Here Comes the Bride.' 

          The American stood there thinking.  He stood there thinking for a good hour before the toll guard asked him again.

          'Do you know the answer?' he asked.

          'I think.  Let me think for another hour.' He told the guard.  Another hour went by and the man had said nothing.  Finally, the guard could no longer stand it.

          'Answer now or just don't pass.'

          'Twenty-seven.  Twenty-seven L's are in Here Comes the Bride.' He answered.  The guard looked at the man as if he were crazy.

          'No!  Where the hell did you get that?' he asked.  The man began to sing.

          'La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la.'

          Hermione gave Draco a funny look after hearing that joke.

          "What kind of a stupid joke was that?!" she asked.  Draco laughed.

          "Don't you like stupid funny jokes?" he asked innocently.

          "Yeah, but that was just stupid, not funny."

          "Fine then.  Got anything better?"

          "Three guys walked into a bar and the fourth one ducked." She said.  There was a long silence following that.  Draco thought hard and hard.  What was so funny about that?

          "That just didn't make sense." He told her.  She smirked at him.

          "Think about it.  If you saw three guys walk into a metal bar, wouldn't you duck?" she asked.  It clicked.

          "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH… okay now I understand.  That was still really stupid." He said.  Now he was just trying to annoy her.

          "Fine!  If you're so clever, then either make up your own joke or dance or something." She said randomly.  In the dark, Draco smirked.

          "I can't dance in these pants.  There's no ballroom."

          Hermione turned to him slowly.  She gave him a weird look before bursting out in laughter.  Draco was already laughing at her trying to keep her straight face.

          "That… was… good…!  I'll… give… you… that!" she tried to say as she was gasping for breath.  "Did you make that up?"

          "Nope.  I heard it from some guy at one of my father's parties.  My father was not pleased when I burst out laughing at him.  The guy just looked at me like I was crazy.  I thought it was the other way around." Explained Draco.  When they finally calmed themselves, Draco started a joke of his own.

          "Okay, so this rich woman comes home one night after a big party.  She walks up to her bedroom and finds her butler, Charles, in there. 

          'Charles, take off my dress.' She says and he does.  'Take off my panty hose.'  Again, Charles does.  'Now my bra and panties.'  Finally she says, 'Now I don't ever want to see you in my clothes again, Charles.'"

          Hermione snorted.  "You had me going there.  I thought this was going to be one of your sick jokes.!"

          "I haven't even said a sick joke once!  Sheesh…"  Hermione shushed him quickly and started a new joke of her own.

          "This is another knock-knock joke so answer 'who's there?'  Alright, knock, knock."

          "Who's there?"

          "Banana."

          "Banana who?"

"Knock, knock."

          "Who's there?"

          "Banana."

          "Banana who?"

          "Knock, knock."

          "Who's there?"

          "Banana."

          "Banana who?"

          "Knock, knock!"

          This joke went on for another five minutes.  Just when Draco was sure that she was done, she would start it over again.  Finally, Draco couldn't take it.

          "OKAY, JUST END THE STUPID JOKE!" he yelled.  Hermione just laughed.

          "Knock, knock."

          Reluctantly and groaning, Draco answered, "Who's there?"

          "Orange."

          "Orange who?"

          "Orange you glad I didn't day banana?"

          Hermione rolled over laughing at how Draco had sat there and listened to the stupidest joke ever.  Now he was just mad!

          "Hey Granger, what do you call a failed abortion?" he asked.

          "What?" she answered skeptically.

          "Hermione!"

A/N:  OMG!!!!  That took forever!  I'm sorry if this was no good.  This story is going to be really short so don't expect too much.  During the next two chapters, you will read the longest jokes in history!  Enjoy!

Me,

RonFan


	4. Revenge

Just Joking 

          Wow!  I got a lot of great reviews!  Thanks so much!  This chapter only has one joke, but it's really long.  BEWARNED!  You'll probably think that this joke is stupid and a waste of time.  Well, it is, but I love it anyway.  So if you would, would you please participate in a "Pay It Forward" type thing.  After reading this joke, pass it on to three people, and have them pass it on to three people.  You don't have to, but maybe the joke will get back to me!  Now that would be funny!  Happy reading.

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter or this joke.  My friend, Madison, told it to me.  She deserves the credit.

Chapter 4 Revenge

          "Oh, Malfoy!" exclaimed a very mad Hermione.  "If I knew where you were right now, I'd slap you!"

          "You've already done that before.  Why make history repeat itself?" he asked innocently.  Hermione groaned.  Then she looked at the small, frail light that was coming through under the doorway.  She saw Draco's outline and smiled to herself.

          "Because you deserve it!" she yelled, and with that, she slapped him yet again.  It was even harder than it was in their third year.  Draco yelled and held his cheek.

          "How the hell did you know where I was?" he asked still rubbing his cheek.

          "I can see where your outline is so I just guessed the rest of the way."

          "If you were a guy, I'd have you down in a headlock.  Thank your lucky stars that you're now!"

          "Ugg… you're such a bastard!" she yelled at him!  All the laughs were behind her.  This was the real Malfoy she knew and hated.  And she'd thought she'd seen a change…

          "I know you are, but what am I?' he countered back at her.  Hermione began to laugh.

          "I haven't heard that in a while."

          "That's because only Puebloods such as myself say it."  Hermione yelled again in frustration.

          "Fine then.  You're an arrogant, selfish, annoying, pathetic, son of a bitch, bastard, moron, asshole, ass crack, jack ass, stupid, prat, and… and…" she yelled soon running out of insults.

          "And what…" he pushed.

          "And you're a butthead." She muttered folding her arms.  Draco just stared.

          "A butthead?  No one's called me that since… well, ever.  You're the first person in my entire life who ever criticized me accept for Potty and Weasel.  I'm impressed, but butthead?  I've never been called that before." He admitted.

          "Well, maybe just not to your face." She said smiling at that.  The two sat there in silence just thinking of what to say.  Finally, Draco decided to speak up.

          "I'm sorry." He said though somewhat reluctantly.  Hermione turned to look at him even though she couldn't actually tell what he was thinking.

          "I can't believe you just said that." She stated.

          "Me either, but I want to tell you a joke so I want to make sure you're listening." He said to her.  He was laughing on the inside.  Revenge would be sweet.

          "Okay fine.  Shoot." She said encouraging him to go on.

          "There was once a boy, who was born into a very rich family.  His parents sometimes gave him anything he wanted."

          "Gee, now where have I heard that before?" interrupted Hermione.

          "Shut up, and let me continue.  Well, the boy finally graduated from preschool.  So far, he had already mastered his ABC's and could count to one hundred perfectly.  He could even spell fairly well, and his reading was going great.  His father was very proud.

          'Son,' said the father.  'I'm so proud of you.  You've got a great start on life and I know you'll be great one day.  As a reward, I'll buy you anything you want.  You name it; I'll buy it for you.  What do you want?'

          'Well Dad, I saw these two pink and purple polka dotted ping-pong balls that I kind of want." Suggested the little boy.  His father shook his head.

          'Son, you'll learn later that there are things you want, and things are a waste of money.  This is one of those things.  Pick something else.' Said the dad.  So the boy did"

          "Is this the story of your life or something else?" asked Hermione.  Draco rolled his eyes.

          "Stop interrupting for God's sake!" he yelled.  Hermione became silent as he continued.  "Then the son graduated from elementary school.  He was top of his class every year and was the star of all of the sports teams that were there.  His future was looking bright.

          'Son, I'm so proud of you.  You're doing so perfect in life already.  I want to make you happy so I'll buy you anything you want.  You name it; I'll buy it for you.  What is it?'

          'Well Dad, I still kind of want those two pink and purple polka-dotted ping-pong balls.' Answered the son.  The dad rolled his eyes.

          'Son, you don't want those.  It's stupid.  Pick something else.' Insisted the father.  So he did.

          Then the son was out of high school.  He was valedictorian and the start of football, basketball, baseball, and the other teams.  He was dating the most beautiful girl in the school and he had been accepted to the top college."

          "Wait, wait… how do you know what all of these things are?  They're all muggle things." Said Hermione interrupting yet again.  Draco was ready to kill her.

          "What the hell is your problem?  This is just how I heard it!  I don't really know what the hell basketball is.  That's just how it's supposed to go.  Now let me finish!" he yelled.

          "Fine.  I'll be quiet for the rest of the time." She insisted.

          "Good.  Now the son was graduating from college.  Once again, he was at the top in everything.  He was active in the community and was still doing sports.  He was even still dating his high school sweetheart.  His father was so proud.

          'Son, I'm so proud of you.  Your life is at your fingertips.  No one can stop you now.  I want to buy you any thing you want.  You name it.  I'll buy it for you.  What do you want?' asked the father.

          'Well dad, I still have my eye on those two pink and purple polka-dotted ping-pong balls.  I really want them.'

          The dad sighed.  'Son, that's a stupid thing to ask for.  Please pick something else.' Pleaded the dad.  So he did.

          Then he was getting married.  It was to his high school girlfriend.  She was still very pretty and was also very smart.  It was a match made in heaven.

          'Son, I'm so prod of you.  You and your new wife will have a great life together and I know you'll be happy together.  I want to buy you two something special. You name it.  I'll buy it for you.  What do you want?'

          'Dad, we'd really be happy if we had those two pink and purple polka-dotted ping-pong balls for our marriage.' Said the son.

          'Son, this is getting old.  You know that the answer will be no.  I'm begging you.  Pick something else!'  So he did.

          Then, he was having his very first child.  The baby was just the right size and as healthy as could be.  The dad was so excited to be a grandfather.

          'Son, I'm so proud of you.  Your new baby will live a charmed life with its beautiful parents.  I want to make you and your new family happy.  So I'll buy you anything you want.  You name it.  I'll buy it.  What do you want?'

          'Dad, my child and wife would be happy for me if I could just get those two pink and purple polka-dotted ping pong balls.'

          'Son, that's pathetic.  You're willing to give up this chance for your own personal gain and not the gain of your family?  Please, please pick something else!'  So he did.

          Then he's lying on his deathbed.  He's suffering from cancer and the doctors can do nothing to help him.  The son was on the edge of death when his father came to visit him for the last time.

          'Son,' he said in between tears.  'I love you so much.  You've had a great life.  No one can ever take your place.  You're leaving behind a sweet wife and child, but it's probably for the best.  No father, though, wants to see his only son die unhappy.  Let me buy you anything you want.  You name it.  I'll buy it for you.  What do you want?'

          'Dad, all my life, I've wanted those two pink and purple polka-dotted ping-pong balls.  Won't you please buy them for me now that I only have barely days to live?" begged the son.  The dad sighed.

          'Son, no!  That's a waste of time.  Pick something else!  Why do you want them anyway?' asked the dad.

          'Well because… because…' And he died"

          Hermione sat there staring at Draco through the darkness.

          "That was one of the longest and stupidest jokes I've ever heard!" she exclaimed.  Draco's hands went to his cheeks to protect them.

          "That's what you get for telling me the orange and banana joke!" he yelled back.  "What do you mean by 'one of the longest?'"

          She smirked a smirk worthy of a Malfoy.  "Oh, you've never heard the Pink House Joke?" she asked. 

          "No… do I want to hear it?" he asked. 

          "Even if you don't, I'm going to tell you anyway." She said as she began to laugh evilly.  Draco was in for it.  The game of revenge was about to come back and spit in his face.

A/N:  Okay, don't flame me!  I know you probably think that it was a waste of time, but the joke is really funny when you tell it face to face and make someone sit through it all.  Now THAT is funny!  Well, next you'll hear an even longer joke.  I'll update as soon as I can!

Me,

RonFan


	5. The Longest Joke Ever

Just Joking 

          Well, this is the last chapters for jokes.  There will be one more chapter to explain what happened after the closet.  Thanks so much for all of your reviews.  I'll post your names, good or bad, at the end of the next chapter.  I appreciate your comments and criticism.  Now let's get this joke over with.  Remember to pass this joke too!  Oh, and some of you asked about the "butthead" thing.  That's from "Legally Blonde."  I was watching it earlier that day.

Important!  I didn't make up that joke about the butler in the third chapter!  It was sent to me through reviews by super sycoh!  Let's give her a round of applause!  Yay!  Oh, and natyslacks gave me several of the blonde jokes so let's applaud her too!  If there's anyone else whose joke(s) I used, please tell me and I will give you the credit in the next chapter!  I don't want to take all of the credit.  It needs to be shared!

Disclaimer- I don't own anything, including the joke, which was told to me once again by my friend, Madison.

Chapter 5 The Longest Joke Ever

          "Are you sure you want to tell me this?" asked Draco nervously watching where he thought she was.  That Pink and Purple Polka-Dotted Ping Pong Ball joke was going to cost him a lot.

          "Oh yes.  I'm sure you want to hear this." She said still smirking.  Draco felt more and more uncomfortable.

          "Alright then, shoot." He said hesitantly.  Hermione then began the longest joke ever.

          "A man was driving down the road out in the country when his car broke down unexpectedly.

          'Damn!  I'm late for a business meeting.' He said.  So the man took his briefcase and began to walk down the road.  He walked for about a mile when he came to a big pink house.  He walked up the pink steps to the pink doorstep.  The man knocked on the pink door, and a woman in a big pink dress answered.

          'May I help you sir?' asked the lady in the big pink dress.

          'Yes, I was wondering if I could use your phone.  My car broke down, and I would like to call a mechanic.' Explained the man.

          'Well, my phone isn't working, and no one will be able to fix it until tomorrow.  If you like, you're welcome to stay the night.' Said the lady in the big pink dress.

          'That would be nice.  Thank you.' Said the man.  He went up the pink stairs and down the pink hallway, up the pink stairs and down the pink hallway and to the first door on the left.

          The man placed his briefcase on the pink bed, went into the pink bathroom, took a shower in the pink shower.  Got out of the pink shower, wrapped himself in a pink towel, went back into the pink bedroom, changed into some pink pajamas that were in the dresser, unmade the pink bed, got into the pink bed, flipped on the pink bed, and fell asleep watching the pink T.V.

          An hour later, another man was driving down the road when his car broke down just a few miles before the first guy. 

          "Damn!" he said getting out of the car with his briefcase, "I'm late to catch a plane!"  The man had no choice, but to walk.  He passed the other man's car and soon reached the pink house.  He walked up the pink steps to the pink doorsteps.  He knocked on the pink door, and a lady in a big pink dress answered.

          'May I help you sir?' asked the lady in the big pink dress.

          'Yes, my car broke down a few miles back, and I was hoping I could use your phone.' Said the man to the lady in the big pink dress.

          'Well, my phone is dead and a mechanic won't be here until tomorrow to fix it.  If you like, you're welcome to spend the night here.' Said the lady in the big pink dress.

          'That's great.  Thanks.' Said the man.  So he went up the pink stairs and down the pink hallway, up the pink stairs and down the pink hallway and to the first door on the right.

          There, the man put his briefcase on the pink bed, went into the pink bathroom, took a shower in the pink shower, got out of the pink shower, wrapped himself in a fluffy pink towel, walked out of the pink bathroom, dressed himself in pink pajamas that were in the pink dresser, unmade the pink bed, turned on the pink T.V., and fell asleep watching the pink T.V.

          Another hour later, another man's car broke down a few miles back from the second guy's car.

          'Damn!' he exclaimed, 'I'm late of a cookout.'  So the man had no choice, but to walk down that long country road with his briefcase.  He passed up both cars before coming to the big pink house.  He walked up the pink steps to the pink doorstep and knocked on the pink door.  The lady in the big pink dress answered it.

          'May I help you sir?' asked the lady in the big pink dress.

          'Yes please, my car just broke down and I would really appreciate it if you would be kind enough to let me use your phone.' Said the man politely.

          'Well, my phone isn't working, and a mechanic won't be able to make it here until tomorrow.  If you like, you're welcome to stay the night.' Said the lady in the big pink dress.

          'That would be nice.  Thank you.' Said the man.  He walked into the pink house and went up the pink stairs and down the pink hallway, up the pink stairs and down the pink hallway and into the second door on the left.

          The man set his briefcase on the pink bed, walked into the pink bathroom, took a shower in the pink shower, got out of the pink shower, wrapped himself in a fluffy pink towel, walked out of the pink bathroom, dressed himself in the pajamas in the pink dresser, unmade the pink bed, turned on the pink T.V., crawled into the pink bed, and fell asleep watching the pink T.V.

          Then next morning, the first man was the first to wake.  He got out of the pink bed, changed out of the pink pajamas and into his old clothes, remade the pink bed, turned off the pink bed, and walk out of the pink room and into the pink hallway.  He went down the pink stairs and down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs and down the pink hallway and arrived in the pink kitchen where the lady in the big pink dress was making breakfast.

          'Good morning!  The mechanic will be here in about an hour to fix the phone.  In the meantime, would you like some breakfast?' asked the lady in the big pink dress.

          'Yes please.' Answered the man.

          'What would you prefer, Frosted Flakes or Fruit Loops?'

          'Frosted Flakes please.'

          So the lady in the big pink dress went into the pink pantry and got out the pink box of pink Frosted Flakes.  Then she went into the pink refridgerator and got out the pink milk.  She then went to the pink cabinet and got a pink bowl and a pink spoon.  She sat all of these things down on the pink table in front of the man, and he began to eat.

          The second man finally woke up in his pink bedroom.  He got out of his pink bed, changed from the pink pajamas and into his old clothes, remade the pink bed, turned off the pink T.V., and walked out of the pink bedroom and into the pink hallway.  He walked down the pink stairs and down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs and down the pink hallway.  There, he entered the pink kitchen where the first man was eating and the lady in the big pink dress was making breakfast.

          'Good morning!  The mechanic will be here in about forty-five minutes.  In the meantime, would you like some breakfast?' asked the lady in the big pink dress.

          'Yes I would, thank you.' Said the second man.

          'What would you like, Frosted Flakes or Fruit Loops?'

          'Fruit Loops please.'

          So the lady in the big pink dress went into the pink pantry and got out a pink box of Fruit Loops.  Then she went to the pink refrigerator and got out the pink milk, which had been put back in the pink fridge.  After that, she went into the pink cabinet and got out a pink bowl and a pink spoon.  She placed all of these things on the pink table and the second man began to eat.

          Finally, the third man woke up in his pink bed.  He got up out of the pink bed, changed his pink pajamas and back into his old clothes, remade the pink bed, turned off the pink T.V., and walked out into the pink hallway.  He walked down the pink stairs and down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs and down the pink hallway and entered the pink kitchen where the other two men were eating and the lady in the big pink dress was still making breakfast.

          'Good morning!  The mechanic will be here in about thirty minutes.  While you're waiting, would you like some breakfast?' asked the lady in the big pink dress.

          'Yes I would like that.' Said the third man.

          'Which would you like, Frosted Flakes or Fruit Loops?'

          "Frosted Flakes please.'

          So the lady in the big pink dress went into the pink fridge, and got out the pink milk, which was put away in the pink fridge again.  The she went into the pink cabinet and got out a pink bowl and a pink spoon.  She also went into the pink pantry and got out the pink box of Frosted Flakes, which was also put away.  She set these things on the pink table and the third man began to eat.

          And the moral of out story is that more people prefer Frosted Flakes over Fruit Loops."

          There was a silence that hung in the air.

          "And… what happens next?" asked Draco expecting more.

          "That's it!" exclaimed Hermione.  Draco looked at her for a minute before letting out a loud cry of annoyance.

          It might've been fate or just coincidence, but at that very moment, Professor Snape just happened to be walking by when he heard Draco's cry.  Shocked, Professor Snape opened the closet door carefully and looked in.  Both Hermione and Draco's hands went straight to their faces to block the bright light.

          "What is the meaning of this?  You too skipped an entire afternoon of classes to sit in a closet?!  I'm ashamed of you Mr. Malfoy.  And of you too, Miss Granger!" exclaimed Snape, who was weirded out to find his two top students in a closet together.

          "No Professor, you don't understand!" yelled Hermione getting up and climbing out of the closet.

          "We were stuck.  The door locked on us, and we didn't have our wands.  We had no choice.  No one would come even when we called." Said Draco also getting out.

          "There was nothing we could do to get out!"

          "She told me the Pink House Joke, Professor!"

          Snape tried hard to keep to two students calm, but it was harder than it looked.  "Will you please CALM DOWN!" he shouted.  "Now why don't you two just go back to your common rooms QUIETLY, and I shall refrain from taking house points." Said Snape walking away shaking his head.

          Hermione and Draco were left alone in the empty hallway.  They stood there in silence for a minute. 

          "Goodbye." They said at the same time and quickly dashed off in the opposite directions.

A/N:  Don't flame please!  I know you're probably thinking that I was high, but I don't do pot thank you very much.  There's one more chapter left so come back later!  Thanks for reading and please review!

Me,

RonFan


	6. The Aftermath

Just Joking 

Here's the last chapter everyone! I'm sorry to see this one end, but I suppose it's for the best. If I can find some new jokes, I might do a sequel, but that's a pretty big if. I got a lot of comments about the "ballroom" joke from the third chapter. The phrase was, "I can't dance in these pants. There's no ballroom." This was said by Draco. Well, think about that one place that only males have right between their legs. You know, that place where you can kick a guy and he falls over because it hurts too much? There's not enough "ball" room. It's a pun. My friend, Kelli told it to me. Get it? Got it? Good!

Disclaimer- I don't own any joke or Harry Potter.

Chapter 6 The Aftermath

It was barely hours after Draco and Hermione had left that dear closet. Draco's friends had greeted him, but not asked questions thinking he was snogging some girl all day. Hermione, however, got loads of questions. It was dinner and the whole school knew by now. The Great Hall was a buzz with chatter about the two stuck in a closet, and what they did to pass the time.

"So you skipped all afternoon to sit in a closet, with Malfoy, to tell jokes?" asked Ron for the fifth time.

"Yes! It's not my fault we got locked in there. Blame him and his so-called "short cut." It didn't work out too well." She said for the fifth time. Hermione was tired of telling all of these people her story. She had told the story five times to Harry and Ron. Each time they shook their heads and tried to understand this.

"So you spent your day with Malfoy?" asked Harry. Hermione snapped.

"YES! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU! IS IT THAT DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND? DID YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT I WANTED TO BE THERE ALL AFTERNOON?" she screamed at them. The two boys looked down at their plates. She rolled her eyes and placed her head in her hands. "Do you understand now?"

"Yeah, sorry Hermione. We thought you were joking there for a while there." Said Harry laughing.

"Yeah, you must've been so bored. I bet Malfoy has a really bad sense of humor." Said Ron joining Harry in laughing. Hermione didn't join in. Draco was the one who said the "ballroom" joke, and it was pretty funny.

"Hey, I got a joke for you guys." Said Hermione hoping to change the subject. "A blonde, a brunet, and a redhead are driving in a car when it suddenly breaks down. So they get out and decide to walk to the nearest gas station. Five miles down the road; the brunet decides to go back to the car. The blonde and the redhead are standing there until she comes back. She's carrying some popcorn.

'Just in case we get hungry.' Said the brunet. They continue walking until ten miles down, the redhead decides to go back. The other two wait for her until she finally returns with a water bottle.

'Just in case we get thirsty.' She said. When the three are fifteen miles down, the blonde says she has to go back. The other two wait for a long time when they finally see her coming down the road with the car door.

'Just in case we get hot, we can roll down the window.'"

Hermione finished her joke, but there was no laughing. Harry and Ron just stared at her.

"That's not a good joke."

"What's a gas station?"

Hermione groaned. And they thought Draco had no sense of humor? Ha! At least he would've laughed a little. Just then, Hermione heard something behind her that sounded like a muffled laugh. She turned around to see Draco covering his mouth with his hand. Harry and Ron noticed this too and glared at Draco.

"You have stuff all over your face, Weasel. What did you do, eat from a trough?" Asked Draco. Hermione worked hard to style the laugh at Draco's try to cover up his laughter. Ron's face was fine.

"Shove it, Malfoy." Ron scowled whipping his mouth. Draco left the Great Hall for a minute and came back to sit with the Slytherins. Hermione couldn't help, but miss some of his jokes and the way he would laugh even at the stupid jokes. She sighed and decided to leave for the dorms. As the rest of the students came out, Draco purposely walked behind Hermione and slipped a note into her robe pocket when she wasn't looking.

That night, while Hermione was changing into her pajamas, the note fell out of her robes. She eyes it carefully and picked it up to read it. It said:

_Granger,_

_ You skipped that joke. Know any more that you forgot to tell? I tried telling the Pink House Joke to Crabbe and Goyle, but they couldn't get past the pink hallways without failing to understand something. Meet you in the closet right before Potions. Bring your wand._

Malfoy

Hermione smirked. She usually wouldn't skip a class, but she didn't think Professor Snape would really care or notice. She'd just tell him she was sick. Draco could get out of anything so that wouldn't be a problem. After rereading the note, Hermione grabbed a piece of parchment and began to write a new note.

Morning came, and the Great Hall was packed again with students eating, talking, and laughing. The gossip about the closet had passed and now everyone was all on about the break up of Hannah and Justin. Harry, Ron, and Hermione went through their morning as usual with no real crazy things happening.

All morning, Hermione thought about the closet. She began to doubt whether or not she could meet Draco any more. What would people say if they found out? Could this… what ever it was, last? Was Draco trying to get close to her because she might be fun for a while? Too many questions and not enough books to answer them.

At last, it was time for Potions. Hermione knew Draco would be waiting for her and it was too late to cancel. So, with a heavy heart, Hermione made her way to the closet. Draco wasn't standing outside, so she figured that she should wait inside. When Hermione opened the door, Draco was already sitting there.

"I was hoping you would come." He said looking her in the eye. Hermione gulped.

"Listen Malfoy… I think we should stop this… I mean, all we've done is tell jokes. It's not like we're friends or anything…" Now Hermione just began to ramble. "We're only spent a few hours in a closet. We don't really know each other. Our friends and families would hate us. Yet. You're the only one who ever laughs at my jokes, good or bad. We'd have to hide or relationships. No one could know, or else it would be the end of the world as we –"

"Granger!" yelled Malfoy clapping his hand over her mouth. "You read my mind." He said letting her go. Hermione stared at him in disbelief.

"I did?"

"Yeah, I know what you're think. And I had the exact same thought. So I was thinking that we could meet her every… I dunno Wednesday night, and just talk. What do you say?" he asked waiting nervously for her reply.

"Would there be jokes?" she asked smiling. Draco smirked.

"Of course. What kind of a meeting in this closet would it be without jokes?"

Hermione wasn't sure what was going to happen. The experience in the closet was nearly as bad except for the abortion joke. Draco had been decent. She could always use another friend to talk to. What the hell? Why not just throw caution to the wind?

"In that case, my name's Hermione. Hermione Granger." She said extending her hand.

"Draco Malfoy. Pleased to meet you Miss Granger." Said Draco shaking her hand. They pulled away and sat down closing the door.

"So now that we're friends, I can tell you that you're an annoying ferret."

"What?!"

"Just joking!"

The End

A/N: That's the end! There will be a sequel soon. It might not be a humor fic, but a romance between Draco and Hermione. I don't know when I'm going to start this because I have to plan it first, but I will start a sequel one day! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and reviewing this story! You all mean so much to me! Here are your names:

Lildaisygirl24, Angel in Disguise, Elfaghetti, TokyoBabe2040, S.S. Harry, Lil' Bode, Dark Queen Rhyet, Tigerchild, The look of Ive, michelle gurl, pyroprincess4rmeverwood, Harpiebird, Karana Belle, Jarie 1019, lizzie15, veta, Fallen Angel Of Hell, divinething, Hermione Granger 10, Callie, Elyn, , Mistress Malfoy, Anna, KeWlGaL8tH, Alex, Princess Faye, super sycoh, Spaced Out Spaced Cadet, SullenSerenity, zoogerbas1, Little Smiling Princess, Kiley, Brittny, AstoryOftheYear, fuzzy-nose, Sacagawea, NitenGal, aldariel, Black Slytherin Girl, DMTABF, Red and Gold, Luna Gypsy, kitty, Draco-FutureBF, cold feet, natyslacks, dreamer-1014, Mystre, No-name, tara, guitar-gurl109, Pix A, NewSecretRose, Earwen Colomanel!! ( I hope I spelled your names right!)

Thank you again for reviewing and giving my your honest thought. Until next time!

Me,

RonFan


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